Were they friends?

Missing my friends
But I'm holding in my tears
Without them I'm lost
Losing them was my fears

I bottle up my emotions
Never telling people what I think
To them I'm mysterious
So then in the crowd I shrink

I never really fit in
People never accepted me
I thought if you're yourself
Then that was all you could be

Were they ever really friends?
Was I just a phase in their lives?
How will I ever know?
All I get is stabbed with knives